Just in case I am ever interviewed as a celeb on a TV show and asked that lovely banal question of ‘What are you pet hates?’ here they are, with apologies to Rodgers and Hammerstein:
Jik spills on pant suits and dog hairs on black coats
Bright lights when sleeping and smug winners who gloat
Gym folk who nick the disabled parking
These are a few of my least fav’rite things.
Underwired bras which break loose and poke in you
Muzak and payback and too-tight cute shoes
Teens who ignore the damn phone when it rings
These are a few of my least fav’rite things.
Girls who’re exploited and folk who spread hatred
Drone strikes and jeeps which are vanity plated.
Smart cars and mutton all dressed up with bling
These are a few of my least fav’rite things.
When the zip splits; when the nail breaks
These both make me sad
I simply remind myself Bieber can’t sing
And then I don’t feel so bad.
Taxes and lying and naked ambition
Maintenance arrears and bad punctuation
Gangsta low trousers and fat pinky rings
These are a few of my least fav’rite things.
Petrol price increases; school terms that drag
Too many wrinkles and buttocks which sag
Drug dealers peddling their filth at the swings
These are a few of my least fav’rite things.
Internet hanging and cold feet in my bed.
Nobody listening to what I just said
Seeing my children’s first break-ups begin
These are a few of my least fav’rite things.
When the car quits, when the bug jumps
When my darlin’s mood’s bad,
I simply remember the US has Trump
And then I don’t feel so mad!
